I don't feel like a mom...

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Keenan

Today is the 14th anniversary of mine and Tammy's
oldest brother's death. He was only 25.

He died in a car wreck when he lost control of his
truck on the service road of I35. According to a woman
who witnessed the wreck, he tried to pass her and
as he did his truck reved up real high and that's when
he lost control. The truck flipped several times
and he was ejected landing near an exit ramp. We
thought maybe his foot, which had recently been
broken and was in a cast, somehow got stuck on
the gas pedal.

Everything is very fuzzy for me the day it happened.
I remember answering the door and seeing the
cop standing there telling me we needed to call
the Lewisville Police Department. I remember my
mom freaking out, calling and being connected
with the hospital. I remember them telling her that
they were performing CPR and her rushing to call
his very pregnant wife from the phone in my sisters
room leaving me to stay on the line with the hospital.
I then remember, and this is the clearest part, some-
one coming on the line and telling me that they had
done everything they could but that he was dead.
They said it just like that, he's dead. They asked
me if I was all right and all I could say was, uh huh.
Uh, huh. I must have been in shock, because to
this day I can't remember feeling anything, I was
numb. It didn't hit me then, I don't think it really
did until after his funeral.

I still feel guilt about his death. See, he was one
of those people that would do anything for someone
they loved and I took advantage of that. I needed
someone to help me move a couple months before
his death. All though he had worked the day
I needed to move, he came and helped me without
bitching about it at all. Unfortunately, when he asked
me to go to his house to help him do some things
after he broke his foot, I initially said no, I was too
busy. Only after my dad pointed out how much he
had done for me did I go over and help him. That
is my guilt to this day, that I couldn't be as unselfish
as he was.

Love you, Keenan.

Posted by Michelle :: 12:28 PM :: 5 People have brought me drinks

Bring me a Drink

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